News Flash

I know I haven't been very consistent with the updates, but truly i have not had time! Anyways... as you might have guessed by the new fancy layout, I AM in fact a twilight fan. AND I SAW THE MOVIE LAST FRIDAY!!! WOOT!!! it was good as a movie but could have been better as twilight. They changed a lot of stuff and kinda screwed it up, but it was pretty okay. I went to see it with one of my good friends, Alyson Charles and my boyfriend. Yyyeaahhhh... that was a little awkward... poor Aly... xP oh well, at least Justin and I didn't kiss in the theatre. No, i specifically told him that was against the rules:

A.) i HAD to watch the movie, no 2 ways about it

B.) Alyson was right there, and she didn't need to deal with that.



Yup yup! Justin and I are still going strong after 3 months.... on our way to 4 and still going steady. ^^ He makes me so happy... but even after all this time, it STILL doesn't seem completely real to me, like "OMG! how can i have such an awesome guy? how can this possibly be?! i don't deserve this! but yet he loves me! and oh how he loves me! -sigh-" lol. fer real tho... who would have ever thought that I, me, Andreah Esther Naomi Knott, would have a boyfriend at age sixteen, or even WANT a boyfriend at age 16. Its truly mind-boggling to me. but i love him to pieces and to death do us part. He's getting me a promise ring for Christmas. I told him he didn't need to but he told me he really wants to, so i figure i have no choice but to let him. =] gah, i am so in love. It still does not cease to amaze me how deep in love I am with him. I still need to post updated photos of him on here... i'll prolly do that at some point today... after school most likely when i e-mail that picture of me to my online creative writing teacher for my stupid literary magazine that i keep forgetting to send in...

anywho... yea, basically i'm jus chillin in fifth period access class right about now. I just got back from lunch and i don't have any assignments i have to do so... yah...alright... ugh, next period is French. Hopefully Mrs. Kerr got the project that i had to send to her thru e-mail last night. My friend Juli said she saw it in my teacher's inbox... i hope to God she's right and that it works. i had to send it in 2 parts cuz the file was too big. xP bleh...

anyhoo... uh... yeah, got the Operation Christmas Child thingy tomorrow. We're going to the OCC warehouse with the youth group AT SIX O CLOCK INTHE FREAKIN MORNING!!! which means i have to get up at 4:30 to be ready and get there by 5:45AM!!!!!!!!!!GAAAAHHHH!!!!! but it'll be worth it. i know it will. almost all of my friends are going.

I've been really diggen coldplay lately, especially the song, "Spies". Its totally wicked. i've also discovered thru YouTube.com some random awesome stuff... like "I don't love you" and "the sharpest lives" and "i'm not okay" by my chemical romance as well as things like "Lips Like Morphine" by Kill Hannah. All of the My Chemical Romance music videos are freaking amazing. I was listening to "The Sharpest Lives" all morning. I LOVE IT!!! My dad and i REALLy need to get my iTunes account set up so i can use the 2 $15 gift cards that i got from my uncle steve (mom's side) for my sweet 16. {{btw: tell Stephen i said thanks again! ^^}} I NEED TO GET SOME WICKED SWEET SONGS ON ITUNES SO I CAN FRIKN USE THEM AS FRIKN RINGTONES!!!!! xP blah! xD lol. anyways... yeah, that's pretty much all for now. LATER!!

Holy freak... so much to tell...

ugh... while my parents are fighting YET AGAIN over STUPID PICTURES that DONT EVEN FRICKING MATTER SAVE THAT WE GET PAID FOR THEM... -_-** xP anyways... BOYFRIEND!!! yes, he's AH-FRICKING-MAZING!! he's adorable. he's a great christian guy; he's chivalrous; he treats me right; he gave me my first kiss two weeks ago tomorrow; i love him to death; i honestly think i could spend the rest of my life with him; he's sweet; he's cute; he's funny; he's a good guy... gosh i could go on and on forever... we can talk about anything and everything... most of the time he makes me forget what i'm going to say cuz he steals my breath away and i'm just like.... "oh... wow... i love you... la, la la, la la, la la la, la la..." he's got gorgamous big blue eyes and (shockingly) blonde hair which he just got cut and is now spiking it and moe-hawking it and its fricking AMAZING!!! goh, i swear that boy just sweeps me off my feet and when we kiss.... oh! my! gosh! i promise i have to remind myself to keep breathing... RESTART MY UNBEATING HEART!!! xD lol. i swear... i NEVER thought i could EVER have it this good... i'm just like... livin the dream right now... oh my gah... so here he is. that's him BEFORE he got his awesome hair cut... yeah... NEVER thought i would date a blond guy.... NEVER in my life... those of you who know me and look at this blog that i would have NEVER EVER EVER in my life dated a blonde. the other day i was like, OMG! i'm dating a BLOND! yeah... but i love him SOOOOOOOOOOOO much and everyone keeps telling me i'm rushing things by saying that, but i seriously believe he could be the one for me... i could totally see him and i spending the rest of our lives together... he claims he can too... i love him to death... ggosh... he's amazing... i know i keep saying that but truly he is... he might be coming over on Sunday to have lunch or dinner with us... idk... uhm... gosh even when i'm thinking about him i lose my train of thought and just go off on a tangent and start thinking about him and forget what i'm saying... lol. gah, he's freaking incredible... but yeah, he looks like a bit of a dork in that pic but he's really not; he doesn't where those glasses all the time, in fact he almost never wears his glasses.... he can't really see out of them anyway so it kinda defeats the purpose of having them in the first place. xp xD lol anyways... yeah he would look like a punk with his spikey hair if it weren't for his slightly preppish clothes. he's not a prep like AT ALL, but he wears polo shirts like ALL the flipping time... its kinda funny, but yeah... XD anyways... uhm... yeah... there's a lot to tell and i'm not exactly sure what else i can say here, but i am gonna try to get on the ball about this blog more often. more than that MY MOM APPROVES OF MY BOYFRIEND!!! my dad is still kinda wary just cuz he's my dad but yeah... lol. LATERZ!!

Reality is much more complex than fairy tales

Our lives are much stranger than the books we read.
They are much more complex that fantasy.
In stories, the good guys always win, but thats not always the way it works.
And we want so much to write it all out, and detail it all down on paper
but sometimes there are no words that flow,
sometimes there are not enough descriptives in the world
and sometimes there are not enough songs, not enough melodies, not enough choruses, not enough verses
even when you have filled up an entire ocean of ink and scribed letters, there will always be more... so much more to tell

And So We Go... Again (Understatment)

Around and around again
the same old arguements
so sick of listening to them ramble

i hate it when they fight
its always about the stupidest things and I'm in the middle of the plight
caught in the cross fire of their gamble

They always say
they promised always
but sometimes i must wonder and how can they be sure they will last forever?

because the shouting grows ever louder
the accusing gets ever more prouder
does it cease? no never.

it's always too late at night
or too early in the morning for this insight
but i just lie my head back down on my bed and roll my eyes listening

rudimentary
like my brother and I elementary
my dear watson can't you see

i'm drowing
in my own screaming
crying with the music turned up so you can't hear me

I sit there and rebel
I act like I don't care but you can't tell
If I said that I hate that they can't agree
It would be
an understatement

In a Nut Shell... in the Words of the Nut Herself

Andie is: at Melissa's house bored and starving waiting for Daniel Coleman [Melissa's sister (Cassie)'s boyfriend if i recall correctly] to come and pick us ((meaning Melissa and I)) up to go to church which is at 10:30. It is currently 10:00am now and Melissa and I stayed up till around 1:30 am last night ((or this morning however you want to look at it)) talking to her [referring to Melissa] boyfriend (Brandon) and Brandon's friend Kacey. Plus we watched NATIONAL TREASURE 2 LAST NIGHT, which was wicked awesome by the way. not sure if it was as great as the first one but very cool. Ashley Cobb WAS supposed to be picking us up but she wouldn't answer her phone for the world and so now it is 10:05 and there is still NO DANIEL! Terri Graham (Melissa's Mom), Melissa's dad (of whom I greviously cannot remember the name for the life of me) and Cassie Graham (Melissa's sister as previously stated) have already gone to church in order to allow Melissa and I more time to get ready, when actually Melissa is sleeping and I am doing random stuff on the computer. Nothing illicit (by my parents' standards) I'll have you know, but I am aimlessly wandering the internet in search of entertainment until further notice. lol. xP

Oh and just to be sure, Melissa's dad's name is Tommy Graham and we were talking to Brandon and Kacey ON THE PHONE!!!!!!! (DUH!!! mom n dad -.-**)

New Post

steal a melody from hollywood

get it stuck in your head and sing it till it drives you crazy when you can't even remember the lyrics you just sang

scream until the pitch and tone sounds like the howling wind

write a song and put it somewhere safe save it for a rainy day or an audience for which to play

write the lyrics on your hand and stick your hand in your pocket for safe keeping

to keep it safe from your parents seeing that you wrote on your hand again

sun burned so bad you're turning black as burnt toast

refugees of a nuclear explosions and meltdowns, the bombs are falling over head like rain

and their words like hailing bullets from the terrorist attacks

who can save you? who can save us now?

when beautiful disaster strikes

and it brings out the worst of the best and the best of the worst in people

and they only send the poor to fight our wars

promoted with the money taken from bankrupt tax payers

and parents of the delinquents who don't have enough money to get their kids out of jail

And we are so inept and sweetly naive

because everyone knows that ignorance is bliss

just like they all thought they Holocaust wasn't really real

a sadistic tyrant's perverted pleasure... fantasy

demonic fairytale...

do you not realize we have the power to dispell the enemy completely

if we would only come together and fight;

block the attack by standing back to back to back to back

unravelling scrolls and loose pages blow away in the breeze

a symbolistic scene of all the wasted time in the world

over flowing land fills of wasted time

just tune in to the spirit that's flowing through this place

its coursing through your veins now, filling you with strength and courage

Boys Dressed in Estrogen and Wearing Auberguine Dreams

I've thought about it so much it's made me sick.
I want it so badly I'm feeling queasy.
I want so much to make ammends with him
that would be willing to tell him something that's not true.
But he's blocking my emails and I don't have his number.
Tell me will anything be the same ever again.
And I don't even know how I feel.
I like him that way, but I want so much not to...
but then would it really be so bad if we ever got together?
I want so much to tell him... he says he's not mad but I know he still is...
I want to tell him I love him even though I really don't
platonically, yes, spiritually probably, brotherly possibley, but romantically no.
It kills me to know I hurt him.
He's my friend, no matter how much we fight... but then is he my friend?
What does he feel? How can i tell? Will I ever know?
All of it started over something stupid anyways... maybe he hates me now...
Who knows? Who is to say? God please just take the worry and the pain away...

I see beauty in brokenness, abandonement, and loss

There is a kind of untapped beauty in the abandoned and broken down buildings left to rot on the side of the road... in the houses supposedly occupied by spirits and ghosts, darkened schools, manufacturing companies that are overthrown by untamed vegetation, empty churches, and gas sations closed down still with signs that say the gas is two dollars and eighteen cents. There is a sort of untouched marvel in the swollen banks of the river, and the deep trenches of running rainwater, and being there to capture the moment, up high on the mountain tops at night.

She spreads her arms like wings on the back of a motor cycle. She finds beauty in the broken, abandoned and lost...

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall, my attentions do you no longer enthrall

Barlow Girl Lyrics
"Barlow Girl Mirror lyrics"

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me

LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL! LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL!

I'm really excited, but then I'm almost kinda sad too. As I'm finishing up my sophomore year, (and I'm going to be all nostalgic and Platonic here) I look back and reflect and see everything that has happened. I'm not sure whether I have really transitioned all that much. Well I suppose I have, but when change happens over time you don't really notice the change. I suppose someone who hasn't seen me would say I'd changed alot, but... eh i dunno. okay so that wasn't really all THAT philosophical, but whatever... actually the only class i'm really disappointed about leaving is my online Creative Writing ACCESS class. Luckily I get to take it next year too. That is IF stupid Mrs. Knight doesn't screw up my freaking schedule again... -.-** hm... what else should I say here... idk.

...on the la la la la la corner of fourth and fremont street... cuz their just
that unappealing, any practiced Catholic would... and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde... along with the people inside. What a wonderful, caricature of intimacy. Inside, what a wonderful, caricature of intimacy... there are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains And a few more of your least favorite things...

P!ATD

Maximum the Hormone

J-Rock band. [Japanese (*cough* Screamo *cough*) Rock]. It's the band that does the opening and closing themes for one of my newly acquired favorite animes {{"Death Note"}}. IT'S FRIGGEN SWEET!!!

This was just a short one.

-xx-

Love ♥

just your average, everyday, friendly neighborhood pest,

Andie Knott ((*cough cough*"Milonakis" ^.^))

I'm happy... really I am... can't you see the tears of joy running down my face?

Yeah, spring break in the middle of April. Retarded, eh? I know right. So I'm bored as everything. I've completely run out of things to do. My recordings only keep my preoccupied for an hour or so... stupid TV... stupid anime series THAT STARTS OVER RIGHT WHEN IT GETS TO THE GOOD PART!!! [[referring to Inu Yasha of course]] -.-** ANNOYING MUCH??!!! PLUS my best friend, Lindsey,--MY ONLY FLIPPEN FRIEND IN THE WHOLE STUPID NEIGHBOORHOOD--left on a white water rafting trip with her youth group. And worse yet we had a bit of a "falling out" ((if you will)) last night {{Wednesday night I went to her church and we and a few other people from the youth watched I Am Legend; the movie was good, but it wasn't half as scary as Lindsey said it was}}. I know there are some things I COULD do... I just REALLY don't feel like doing them. *cough cough read cough cough* It's just that everytime I pick up a book I feel like a moron because I fall in love with one of the guy characters only to realize he's not real. How pathetically depressing is that? I don't even have a guy to compare to in real life. I mean Lindsey's got her fictional fantasies about Colton, but at least Colton is a REAL PERSON. I'm just stuck with fictional characters. HA! and my mom wonders why I think there's no one out there for me! See the thing is, I don't WANT to meet a guy in college. I WANT to marry someone I already know. I hate it that I don't have any good guyfriends like I used to have in Austin. Tommy was just about the best friend I ever had. goh I loved that guy! I did have a crush on him when I was little but now I just love him like a brother. I haven't called him in a couple months. Perhaps I should do that. Not now though, I'm supposed to be working on Presidential Briefs anyways. hah! yeah right. Who am I kidding. I don't even have the movie notes that I took about the SIX FREAKING PRESIDENTS THAT WE HAVE TO DO! -.-** OYE! Listening to Flyleaf. And I am just rambling. I wanna get that movie Juno. Lindsey says it's supporting teenage pregnancy. I say otherwise tho I've never seen it. I wanna see it. I wanna go to movie gallery and rent Kingdom Hearts II and finish the game. I'd like to go see The Forbidden Kingdom with my dad. I kinda want my dad to give me more driving lessons around the block. I wanna get the movies Driving Lessons and December Boys. I really wish my parents would stop grounding me every single little time I screw up on something or other. [[Yes, we've established I'm a retarded screw up, CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON???!!!]] I really wanna put some pics up on my facebook of my dad. Let's see what else do I want? *sarcastic* Oh yeah! I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD QUIT FLIPPING OUT THAT EVERYTIME I'M DOING SOMETHING TO DO WITH TWILIGHT THAT SUDDENLY I'M OBSESSED WITH VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES!!!! IT'S A FREAKING BOOK!! DO THEY REALLY THINK I'M THAT STUPID THAT I THINK IT'S REAL?!?!?! IT'S LIKE THE HARRY POTTER THING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *breathes* okay. I'm alright now. Sorry... i got a little carried away.

I will break into with what's... with what's written on my heart. I will
break. BREAK!! I'm so sick infected with where I live. Let me live with out this
empty bliss, selfishness. I'm so sick. I'm so sick.

*sigh* I dunno what's wrong with me... I just... it sincerely is empty bliss. There is something ominous about this peace. Like the calm before the storm.... it's not the eye... it's not after the storm either... and my mom just went on another one of her "MY CHILD IS SO DARK AND DREARY ALL THE TIME... blah blah blah" speeches again. ugh... don't get me wrong I love her to death, but eh... she can be ah... to put it lightly, EXHASTPERATING at times... hm... what else... ugh... i just wish I could forget everything--who i am, all the crap, everyone I know. start over ya know? start fresh. reinvent myself. be a somebody for a change. heh. i know i sound cliche and mom is gonna go on another one of her freak out fits on my head because i'm being dismal again... ugh.... I want to feel alive, rather than just this numbness that's over come me. It's like I'm living in a distant fog...not really here, not really there, not really anywhere... just being... i feel like an invisible soulless just wandering in the desert. I'm tired of living this way. I'm just so sick and tired of feeling so sick and tired. ((how many sad times has that poor little worn out phrase been used)) I thought pastor said this was an era of new beginnings not heavy dimmings... *sigh* I think this is just about the longest post I've ever written. And I can't think of anything else to write. Oh, and for my mom REALLY needs to figure out that maybe the only flippen reason I'm so "joyless" all the time is just to bug her. I'm happy... really I am... I just don't show it...

From Russian to English, the Words Spoken in Salmarnir by Underoath

PSALM 50:1-6The Lord God, the Mighty One Calls the earth from east to west. God from Zion does shine forth; Perfected in beauty he. Our God comes, no silence keeps, Fire before him, tempests 'round. He calls out to heav'n and earth, So that he may judge his own: "Bring to me my faithful ones, Who made covenant with me through their sacrifice!" The heav'ns call God just, for he is judge!

Public Denomination ((yes it's a poem, no it did not really happen...obviously))

browse the public
public protrusion
public nuisance
disturbing the peace
I almost got arrested for refusing to stop singing
singing in the school hallway
singing "Holy is the Lamb and Glory to God who is worthy to be praised"
I once got detention for saying, "Jesus is the Savior of the World; Christ was God's son"
At some point I got shot in the forehead for saying, "yes, it's true, I believe in the Lord"
Because we are all martyrs; we are all saints; we are all patron saints of what we believe in.
No we can't be wrong, because if we are wrong, then we have wasted our lives would have been better to live for ourselves, rather than taking the time to care. Daring to say the words, you couldn't speak before. "I Love You"

Dash It

V1.
Glory land sings to you and what am I left with?
A broken song, a hopeful tune, where does it lead to?
it sings to you of what we are and what we've been
how we're gonna make it out in the end?
Trudging in drudgery, tell me i'm not gonna fall
Tell me you'll still have me through it all

Chorus.
In this wasteland I can't look ahead but I'm moving in
I can't see the sun, but I know it still shines.
Haven't seen the rain in over 40 days and nights
Can't see forward, side-to-side or backward
All I see is
Looking Up
Looking UP.

V2.
Take a good last look at this photograph
cause this is the last time you'll ever see it again
I'm not turning around to look in the mirror anymore
Glancing around I see nothing but smog
So I can't really be certain what will befall me
Just tell me I'll stand, tell me I'll be okay.

T.
Dash it. Dash it. dash it. Dash it, baby.
Dash it, dash it, dash it, whoa.
Dash it. Dash it. dash it. Dash it, baby.
Dash it, dash it, dash it, whoa.
Dash. oh.

An Art of Smithereens

Breaking this.
Breaking you.
Breaking the mirror.
Breaking into pieces.

Shattering on the floor.
Shattering at the door.
Shattering the heart easily.
Shattering everything.

Destroying the evidence.
Destroying hope.
Destroying our future.
Destroying the home.

Burning my conscience clean.
Burning pictures, pages and photographs.
Burning the house down.
Burning this wretched city to the ground.

Crashing into you.
Crashing into me.
Crashing into God.
Crashing into grace.

Smashing down buildings.
Smashing down confidence.
Smashing pride and trust.
Smashing it all into the sea.

Sins like Skeletons are So Very Hard to Hide

Reculsion--(n.) the state of being recluse

Recluse--(adj.) marked by withdrawal from society; solitary

Solitary--(adj.)1 a: being, living, or going alone or without companions b: saddened by isolation
2: unfrequented, desolate
3 a: taken, passed, or performed without companions b: keeping a prisoner apart from others 4: being at once single and isolated
5 a: occurring singly and not as part of a group or cluster b: not gregarious, colonial, social, or compound

synonyms see alone

more manic circles.

Guilt. Shame. Redemption.
Guilt. Shame. Redemption.
Guilt. Shame. Redemption.
Guilt. Shame. Redemption.
Guilt. Shame. Redemption.
Guilt. Shame. Redemption.
Guilt. Shame. Redemption.
Guilt. Shame. Redemption.

Public Desplay of Defection
Public Desplay of Depression
Private Desplay of Erection
Public Display of Aboltion
Public Display of Ambition
Private Display of Ecstacy
Paranoia.
Schizophrenia.
Paraonoid-schizophrenia.
Over the counter drugs.
Under the table payment.
Sold you're soul to the devil
you'd trade this pain for the world
for your very life to end
tell me it is not so.
tell me there is still hope left in this
tell me there is a tomorrow
tell me what i need to hear
Life is an unwinding cable car.
Life is an hourglass glued to the table.
Life is more than living.
Life is more than waiting to die.

The Void Between Dreams and Reality

I can no longer tell the difference
between what I read in a book
and what was a fantasy of my own imagination.
I don't know anymore what are my own ideas,
and what another inspiring author wrote.
day flows into night and night into day,
in and out like the tide, in a relentless circle;
what is remember is not what i remember;
my memory is becoming unclear.
When I wake up, I don't remember.
I used to be able to recall specific details
and the basic story of my dreams...
but not now...
and why is it so hard for me to apologize?
To make face, and say it straight,
I admit my cowardice in hopes of learning to defeat it,
but for now I write to you this letter
like a child, I am reduced to rudimentary methods of mind.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Due to a series of unfortunate events, it seems that I have at last lost my priveledge to go to NY this summer. If I can make enough ammends with my parents and can gain their trust back I may be able to transfer the money to an early trip up to Canada. I just have to prove myself responsible enough to handle the situation like an adult and fun junk like that. oye.

oh and while we're on the subject of summer, the season of my birthday... HEY!! speaking of birthdays, [[xDD lol.]] I know its still a ways off, but... just so everyone knows. I WANT THE THIRD BOOK IN THE TWILIGHT SERIES: ECLIPSE!!!! PLEAS PLEASE PLEASE CONVINCE MY PARENTS TO LET ME READIT!!!! PLEEEEEEEAAAASE!