Yeah, spring break in the middle of April. Retarded, eh? I know right. So I'm bored as everything. I've completely run out of things to do. My recordings only keep my preoccupied for an hour or so... stupid TV... stupid anime series THAT STARTS OVER RIGHT WHEN IT GETS TO THE GOOD PART!!! [[referring to Inu Yasha of course]] -.-** ANNOYING MUCH??!!! PLUS my best friend, Lindsey,--MY ONLY FLIPPEN FRIEND IN THE WHOLE STUPID NEIGHBOORHOOD--left on a white water rafting trip with her youth group. And worse yet we had a bit of a "falling out" ((if you will)) last night {{Wednesday night I went to her church and we and a few other people from the youth watched I Am Legend; the movie was good, but it wasn't half as scary as Lindsey said it was}}. I know there are some things I COULD do... I just REALLY don't feel like doing them. *cough cough read cough cough* It's just that everytime I pick up a book I feel like a moron because I fall in love with one of the guy characters only to realize he's not real. How pathetically depressing is that? I don't even have a guy to compare to in real life. I mean Lindsey's got her fictional fantasies about Colton, but at least Colton is a REAL PERSON. I'm just stuck with fictional characters. HA! and my mom wonders why I think there's no one out there for me! See the thing is, I don't WANT to meet a guy in college. I WANT to marry someone I already know. I hate it that I don't have any good guyfriends like I used to have in Austin. Tommy was just about the best friend I ever had. goh I loved that guy! I did have a crush on him when I was little but now I just love him like a brother. I haven't called him in a couple months. Perhaps I should do that. Not now though, I'm supposed to be working on Presidential Briefs anyways. hah! yeah right. Who am I kidding. I don't even have the movie notes that I took about the SIX FREAKING PRESIDENTS THAT WE HAVE TO DO! -.-** OYE! Listening to Flyleaf. And I am just rambling. I wanna get that movie Juno. Lindsey says it's supporting teenage pregnancy. I say otherwise tho I've never seen it. I wanna see it. I wanna go to movie gallery and rent Kingdom Hearts II and finish the game. I'd like to go see The Forbidden Kingdom with my dad. I kinda want my dad to give me more driving lessons around the block. I wanna get the movies Driving Lessons and December Boys. I really wish my parents would stop grounding me every single little time I screw up on something or other. [[Yes, we've established I'm a retarded screw up, CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON???!!!]] I really wanna put some pics up on my facebook of my dad. Let's see what else do I want? *sarcastic* Oh yeah! I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD QUIT FLIPPING OUT THAT EVERYTIME I'M DOING SOMETHING TO DO WITH TWILIGHT THAT SUDDENLY I'M OBSESSED WITH VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES!!!! IT'S A FREAKING BOOK!! DO THEY REALLY THINK I'M THAT STUPID THAT I THINK IT'S REAL?!?!?! IT'S LIKE THE HARRY POTTER THING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *breathes* okay. I'm alright now. Sorry... i got a little carried away. I will break into with what's... with what's written on my heart. I will
break. BREAK!! I'm so sick infected with where I live. Let me live with out this
empty bliss, selfishness. I'm so sick. I'm so sick.
*sigh* I dunno what's wrong with me... I just... it sincerely is empty bliss. There is something ominous about this peace. Like the calm before the storm.... it's not the eye... it's not after the storm either... and my mom just went on another one of her "MY CHILD IS SO DARK AND DREARY ALL THE TIME... blah blah blah" speeches again. ugh... don't get me wrong I love her to death, but eh... she can be ah... to put it lightly, EXHASTPERATING at times... hm... what else... ugh... i just wish I could forget everything--who i am, all the crap, everyone I know. start over ya know? start fresh. reinvent myself. be a somebody for a change. heh. i know i sound cliche and mom is gonna go on another one of her freak out fits on my head because i'm being dismal again... ugh.... I want to feel alive, rather than just this numbness that's over come me. It's like I'm living in a distant fog...not really here, not really there, not really anywhere... just being... i feel like an invisible soulless just wandering in the desert. I'm tired of living this way. I'm just so sick and tired of feeling so sick and tired. ((how many sad times has that poor little worn out phrase been used)) I thought pastor said this was an era of new beginnings not heavy dimmings... *sigh* I think this is just about the longest post I've ever written. And I can't think of anything else to write. Oh, and for my mom REALLY needs to figure out that maybe the only flippen reason I'm so "joyless" all the time is just to bug her. I'm happy... really I am... I just don't show it...
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