Bugs.

UGH UGH UGH!!! i am so frustrated. what the heck is wrong with social networking sites?! they drive me crazy!! Okay, so I'm trying to get on facebook right? and usually you know we have wifi here and its all good and relatively fast, but here lately facebook has been running really slow. i know the other day my internet was being stupid and it wouldn't let me do anything in general, but today its just facebook. so i figure, okay, forget internet explorer; let's see if it works any better on safari. well i when i tried logging into facebook on safari, i found out why it was running so slow. because supposedly it was "UNDER MAINTENANCE". i was like WHAT THE CRAP?!?! just because your working on improving the site means i can't get in? THAT'S COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS! And then half the time it always comes up with an error when i try to do anything with it like chatbox or something.

So anyways... A WEEK AND A HALF TILL CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!! :D i'm excited. There's not much time left until Christmas holidays and then after that there's only 1 semester left of school! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! and there's prom, and i still gotta get a job, and i need to concentrate on writing my books so i can try to get it published by the time i'm out of college.

OHHAPPYDAYS! I have a high enough ACT score to get basically a free ride to JSU. Free tuition and free books. Not bad in exchange for a half an hour, or 45 minute drive. I'd like to get a 30 on the ACT so i can live on campus and possibly, get everything for free as well. The scholarship system is rather complicated, but I think I'm gettin on pretty okay.

HOPEFULLY... I'll be having a New Year's Eve bonfire party. Hopefully everyone will go that i want to go, but i'm not sure, because a certain boychild might prevent his girlfriend who is my friend from going, but hopefully since her bestfriend is going, she will want to go too. And hopefully the rest of my besties and the man i adore will be able to attend as well.

HOBEYHO!LET'S GO! So my mom keeps trying to get me to perfect my blog so that i can make abajillion dollars off of it like "McMomma". Well... truth is... I wanna write the only way i know how... and t'would be rather difficult for me to transpose into something different and put on an alias and give all my friends names like "McMomma" gives her children. Shall I turn them into story book characters? Shall I give them names like Lady Elsidora and Princess Corinthia? It's an intriguing thought, but then I would get confused. I'd be like, "wait, wait, wait... who is that person again? OH MAHN! i wrote this whole blog entry with the wrong character. CRAP!" Besides methinks meneeds to focus on finishing a book before i do that... a college student blog about real people portrayed as fairytale mythological creatures? The more i think about it, the more fruity it sounds. No offense to people who can make an honest living that way. I give a congradulatory pat on the back to those who can. I really do, but i'm just not sure if that's the lifestyle for me. I'd feel like i was living off of government checks, and i already don't like the government enough as it is... but that's another subject for another day.

SOWHATELSE? umm... i dunno... i think that's all for now... BUBYE! :D

Don't Be Alarmed!

its letters in the sand again
its writing on the wall again
its words spelled out all over my face
you always see right through me
i write love on my arms
even though there's no one to love me
and no one to be loved in return
but you're not so convinced
i used to think that all there was was this
that all there was was me and this abyss
but you came along and made me see
that there was a lot more to look forward to in life
that just dancin in the rain

La Poste...

wow. so... lots of things...

i guess a good place to start would be WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!?! that's a big generalization; and how i DO know it...

but let's start with the predominant that's been stewing in my brain for the last couple of weeks: abortion... a big topic... i understand that... and I'm sorry for any of my pro-abortion friends who end up reading this... but my mind must be spoken... 

i was adopted... my mom could of aborted me. She was middle-aged, already had quite a few kids, never had a husband; she wasn't even living with my birth-father, to whom she was (obviously) not married. when i was born, i was in a good christian foster home for two weeks while my parents sorted out the adoption papers. But alas! Calamity struck when my birth-father decided he wanted to try to play a game with my future... he spoke of trying to get guardianship of tiny, infant moi. Luckily, he never got the opportunity to get me. The adoption papers were signed and thus i am here. i made a short-story of my birth i know. but think about it... for any of my friends reading this... what if i HAD been aborted? Some of you would have one less best friend... 

second story... my boyfriend, justin....

Justin's mom, (who's name i will not reveal for safety purposes) was a teenage pregnancy... she could have easily aborted the love of my life... but did she? non, instead she chose to keep the marvelous, hidden treasure pile that is my justin. 

two beautiful people... could easily have been aborted... what's your story? no matter what it is, you could just have easily been aborted... 

And upon further prying i have discovered that a baby fetus has a faint little heartbeat anywhere from 18 to 22 days (about 5 weeks)

i could give all sorts of statistics... one of my friends did a whole paper on the actual abortion process... it's so brutal... you are literally ripping apart all the tiny fragments of opportunity that that itty-bitty life could have had. A woman who gets an abortion could be killing a world-changer.

Thinking about abortion makes me wanna cry... i don't talk about it with most people because i know if they don't agree with me, i'll get angry. don't ask me why, it's very complicated to explain. but that's just the way i am. and that's just what i think and what i believe...

So... this is... cool...

I just got to thinking about something interesting... a while back there was a whole bunch of people on facebook who were getting their accounts hacked. Luckily, I have not had the misfortune to have that happen to me... on facebook or on blogspot. I realize this is because of my password choices. It doesn't have to be long, it doesn't have to be a bunch of random numbers and symbols... it just has to be unique... something that either describes or defines YOU personally... or something that only YOU can connect to. Something that limited people know of, like your favorite fan fiction character or someone else's username for something. Something you think nobody else would think of. For example a forgotten character in a book or movie that no one really thinks about or pays attention to... or something. Or a phrase that you say all the time that no one else really thinks of. Something that is unique and characteristic of your own personal self...

 

This is an example of why you don't see any fake public displays of sexual exploits on my blog or on my facebook. Like i know when one of my friends, we'll call her AlleyCatWiz cos if i remember right, that's her aim name, her facebook got hacked and whoever hacked her account wrote on her status "is loving her new thong". One of my adult friends who lives in Whales (long story for another day) her account got hacked and her status read "really loves anal and really should be doing more". (if you don't know what "Anal" is... look it up on urbandictionary.com because its too vulgar to write the definition here...).

 

so anyways... yeah and isn't this nifty. i sent this from my home email address. woot woot! ha ha. well that's all the updates for now... catchya later!!

 

-xx-

I am your fate...

so i'm sitting here and i wanna write something, but i can't.... i can't think of anything all that good to say. It seems every time I go back to school, I find out something else about somebody else that agitates me. Like today, I found out something slightly disturbing about one of my friends (not disturbing in a nasty or gross way, just disturbing in that it upset me). Its one of those things that's just not done... -le sigh- i kind of got blew up when i first heard this... my initial reaction was that is was a lie, but i asked my friend about it at lunch today. I gave her a look and she didn't say whether or not the accusations were accurate, but I'm sure she would have denied such claims if it weren't true right? It kind of made me mad, but more than anything it just really bugged me. I'm not actually angry, just... upset i guess... i dunno. its complicated. why? why does everything have to be so stinking complicated all the freaking time?! all the drama drives me absolutely crazy! why can't we all just be sensible people? oh right....

and now i'm listening to my parents discuss the idiocies of the middle school football coach... oi.

i actually got sick to my stomach that i was so angry at lunch today i got sick to my stomach, so intensely that I felt like I was about to throw up. that was kind of scary. by the end of the day i had a heachache because i was thinking too hard about everything again. All my friends... my boyfriend... my parents... my demonic little brother... my education... church... it's all so very difficult to keep a balance of things.

Speaking of church... i give up. The youth band will do just fine without me... i'm not saying i'm quitting but i'm taking a break, exploring other churches... that won't be hard since like every one of my friends go to different churches... who knows, i may just find that i belong better at some other church... come to think of it, I'm doing just what John Wannamaker, the previous guitarist did... hm..... that's a thought provoking notion.

My story's just like yours, only one chapter behind...

Well anyways... I don't really know what the title of this post was about... i thought it was cool and it reminded me of Twilight and Edward Cullen. (Hence the background) :] but yeah... i guess that's it for now... peace.

hey look! a blog!

i know i'm no where near pretty enough for you, 

but we're still here.... 

almost at the halfway mark 

and we're still glued together by the lips. 

We're still in love

yeah, we're still in love

i know i could never be good enough for you

but you and me, we're still right here...

swaying to the music in our collective heart

and we're still intertwined together by the heartstrings...

we're still in love

oh, we're still in love

and i know that i am not ever gonna deserve you,

but still we cling desperately to each other here, right now...

embracing until the world tries to tear us apart

but even then, we'll never be too far away...

we're still in love

but, we're still in love

and i know that i know that i know that i know

that no matter what i do no matter what i say

i could never ever ever compare with their kinds of pretty

i'm not beautiful like them i'm just me; this is just me...

we always will just still be in love

well we are still in love

Inconsistencies...

I really need to get on this blog more often, but i don't ever have any time any more!! I'm constantly consumed and bombarded by homework and house work and studying etc. ugh. its ridiculous. but yeah, i've been like REALLY stressed lately because my parent's keep pressuring me about college and grades and i'm getting a "D" in my college history class right about now and no matter how hard i try i can never seem to bring it up and if i don't make good on the test i took friday i'm grounded from my Justin-bear. :( i'm so distressed... no matter how long i sleep at night i'm always tired. i'm getting really sick of everything. i'm beginning to sound like a broken record player with how many times i've said that i just want all of this to pass... i just want everyone to chill out and for everything to be okay. Justin is freaking out about his parental situation, and he's worried that he's gonna screw up his future and i've been trying to tell him not to worry but he seems determined to be depressed no matter how many times i tell him that God's got it ALL under control...but maybe that's the reason i'm failing... is because i'm trying to do it in my own strength instead of God's... i really need to get into the Word like my friend Shane said but i feel like if i take time out of my day to do that then everything else will just fall apart and i'll lose everything: my grades, my love, my friends... i just wish there were more than 24 hours in a day... so i could do more of what i love, so i could see more of my love, so i would have more time to do homework and study and figure out what the world is all about...sigh... i just don't know any more... well, no... i can't really say that cuz i really never HAVE known... its just... i guess its time to give it back to God again... I feel like i'm always doing that... its just a continuous cycle of taking back and giving to God, taking back, giving to God... i don't wanna keep taking it back. i just wanna put it in His hands and forget about it and not have to worry about it... am i really so delusional for wanting things to be that way?